EUROPEAN UNION LANGUAGE
HARMONISATION DIRECTIVE.

It is agreed that English will be the official language
of the European Union, rather than German, the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-inplan for what will be
known as Euro-English.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly this will be selebrated by sivil servants.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one letter fewer. There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". So words
like fotograf will be 20% shorter. In the third year,
publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Al wil also agre that the silent "e" is a disgras
and something of a horibl mes. By the fourth year
pepl wil be respeptiv to replasing "th" with "z" and
"w" with "v", so that during ze fifz yer ze unesesary
"o" kan be droped from vords containing "ou". After
ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to
undastand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.