Testimony 2
Why is humility such a difficult virtue to aspire to? Perhaps it is because the primordal vice is pride, the desire to have the pre-eminent position and to be second to no-one. I hate the notion that my intellectual abilities may be considered second rate and that I will be despised as a consequence. I want to be respected and well thought of.
Notionally, as a Christian, I aspire to humility but in practice my flesh cries out in protest - I generally consider myself better than others, look out for my own interests and indulge in vain conceir contrary to Philippians 2 v1-11 etc.
When I discuss Christian things with non-believers I am more inclined to talk in a sophisticated way about philosophy of religion out of fear of being looked down on. Perhaps that is why my Christian life lacks real power and why I often feel hollow spiritually. In 1 Corinthians 1 v17b Paul talks of avoiding such sophistication 'lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power'. I want to look intellectually impressive and find the result is empty while 2 Corinthians 4 talks about 'treasures in jars of clay', it looks totally pathetic and yet conceals true riches. The point to bear in mind is that the Kingdom of God subverts the standards of the world and it is well worth reading 1 Corinthians 1 v18-31 in full to get the real impact of what God id doing! It is something I want to take to heart for sure!
The church in Sardis (Rev 3 v1-6) has a reputation for being alive but its incomplete actions belie its orthodoxy. I often feel full of good intentions but they don't often get translated into reality. My deepest regrets in life have never come about by being too dedicated to the Lord Jesus, they have always arisen from my unbelief and compromise. A half hearted believer is in the most pitiful situation of all. With one foot in the world's camp I will never truly taste the joy of the Lord.
When I come across old notes written by myself I discover fossil aspirations which touch on things like personal Bible study and Scripture memory. They are great intentions but if I am half hearted about them I am simply giving way to unbelief aren't I? I find time for other things, general reading and TV etc, which aren't necessarily bad in themselves, but they distract me. I suppose it could be argued that these other things cause me to imbibe the values of the world although in practice I find these values actually wearying to my soul rather than attractive. But perhaps that is sufficient to leave me tired, cynical and dispirited.
The fact is whatever doubts attack me they always prove to be silly and insubstantial. They may be in tune with the world's thinking but on examination invariably prove to be paper tigers. But Jesus' words always ring true. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light".
Showing posts with label Testimony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Testimony. Show all posts
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Testimony.
My earliest memories are of growing up in a hardworking, Working Class home in 1960's Bradford. My family were very moral upright RCs of Irish extraction who regularly attended Mass. My father was 46 years old, and considered 'old', when I was born. I think he aspired to be Middle Class and he was proud that my brother and sister went to university. There was a large age gap between me and my siblings, and my brother's aspiration was to be a true proletarian by becoming a Marxist and a drop-out while at university. So my homelife was a confusion of Catholicism and (revolutionary) politics.
Never a strong Catholic I made a conscious decision to be a 'raving atheist' in my early teens. I was a firm believer in scientific progress (scientism really; although I did not know it as such at the time). I confused the idea of science explaining something with science explaining something away. I was very influenced by the naive optimism of the Sci-Fi I read, (I veered towards 'cosmism', again another term I was then unaware of), as I drank in the undeclared assumptions of my age.
When I was 17 I heard a garbled Gospel message of sorts which went something like; "God has a perfect plan for your life", "he'd be grateful to have you on his team", "why not give him a chance?" I suppose the message appealed to my ego-centric view of the universe - I was a teenager afterall and shared the conceits of my age that life owed me something! It seemed all too plausible that I had a destiny to fulfil.
Of course this "Gospel" message was woefully inadequate but it was the start of something; which only goes to prove that by sheer grace alone God can use any means to turn someone to him. At the time I would not have considered myself to be in any 'need' of God at all; I would have seen myself as a perfectly moral, upright sort of person - just the sort of person God would want on his side! I did not see myself as needing God's forgiveness - at least not much when I compared myself to others.
It was only over time that the truth began to dawn on me; being morally upright did not make me right with God. I had to unlearn the assumptions I had grown up with and I had to junk a lot of the triumphalist stuff I had initially been taught by well-meaning but misguided Christians who claimed the Bible as their authority. Perhaps at this stage I could have thrown the whole thing over and claim to have become disillusioned by the false promises I had been made. But by then I was drawn to the person of Jesus; whatever falsehoods I had been fed, by both unbeliever and believer alike, I realised that Jesus was special and what he said rang true! When he said "come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" that resonated with me.
The words that rang true sprang from the same Bible that was derided by the atheist and thoughtlessly handled by the Christian. There was a depth in this Word that lay unrecognised and unheeded by the ignorant.
Jesus reserved some of his harshest criticisms for the morally upright and the religiously punctilious... and he drew his theology from the Bible! His Gospel is deeply unattractive to all the self satisfied because it calls on us to put our trust in God rather than our own selves and our ability to be good people. It wasn't what I expected to hear and I wouldn't have known these things unless Jesus had revealed them. It had taken several years but I could see myself in the mirror that Jesus held up to my face! I realised that I was not the person I had once supposed myself to be. I could identify with the apostle Peter when he said to Jesus "who else can we turn to? You have the words of eternal life" when Jesus was being deserted by the fickle crowds. By a tortuous route I had come to trust in Jesus and develop an appetite for the Bible.
When Jesus died on the Cross it was my old self that died there too and the life I now live is his gift of resurrection life to me. The question I had had to ask myself was this; was I going to trust in myself or was I going to trust in him?
If you think I am still not much like Jesus you'd be right - but think what sort of person I might now be without him! I am a work in progress you know!!!
My earliest memories are of growing up in a hardworking, Working Class home in 1960's Bradford. My family were very moral upright RCs of Irish extraction who regularly attended Mass. My father was 46 years old, and considered 'old', when I was born. I think he aspired to be Middle Class and he was proud that my brother and sister went to university. There was a large age gap between me and my siblings, and my brother's aspiration was to be a true proletarian by becoming a Marxist and a drop-out while at university. So my homelife was a confusion of Catholicism and (revolutionary) politics.
Never a strong Catholic I made a conscious decision to be a 'raving atheist' in my early teens. I was a firm believer in scientific progress (scientism really; although I did not know it as such at the time). I confused the idea of science explaining something with science explaining something away. I was very influenced by the naive optimism of the Sci-Fi I read, (I veered towards 'cosmism', again another term I was then unaware of), as I drank in the undeclared assumptions of my age.
When I was 17 I heard a garbled Gospel message of sorts which went something like; "God has a perfect plan for your life", "he'd be grateful to have you on his team", "why not give him a chance?" I suppose the message appealed to my ego-centric view of the universe - I was a teenager afterall and shared the conceits of my age that life owed me something! It seemed all too plausible that I had a destiny to fulfil.
Of course this "Gospel" message was woefully inadequate but it was the start of something; which only goes to prove that by sheer grace alone God can use any means to turn someone to him. At the time I would not have considered myself to be in any 'need' of God at all; I would have seen myself as a perfectly moral, upright sort of person - just the sort of person God would want on his side! I did not see myself as needing God's forgiveness - at least not much when I compared myself to others.
It was only over time that the truth began to dawn on me; being morally upright did not make me right with God. I had to unlearn the assumptions I had grown up with and I had to junk a lot of the triumphalist stuff I had initially been taught by well-meaning but misguided Christians who claimed the Bible as their authority. Perhaps at this stage I could have thrown the whole thing over and claim to have become disillusioned by the false promises I had been made. But by then I was drawn to the person of Jesus; whatever falsehoods I had been fed, by both unbeliever and believer alike, I realised that Jesus was special and what he said rang true! When he said "come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" that resonated with me.
The words that rang true sprang from the same Bible that was derided by the atheist and thoughtlessly handled by the Christian. There was a depth in this Word that lay unrecognised and unheeded by the ignorant.
Jesus reserved some of his harshest criticisms for the morally upright and the religiously punctilious... and he drew his theology from the Bible! His Gospel is deeply unattractive to all the self satisfied because it calls on us to put our trust in God rather than our own selves and our ability to be good people. It wasn't what I expected to hear and I wouldn't have known these things unless Jesus had revealed them. It had taken several years but I could see myself in the mirror that Jesus held up to my face! I realised that I was not the person I had once supposed myself to be. I could identify with the apostle Peter when he said to Jesus "who else can we turn to? You have the words of eternal life" when Jesus was being deserted by the fickle crowds. By a tortuous route I had come to trust in Jesus and develop an appetite for the Bible.
When Jesus died on the Cross it was my old self that died there too and the life I now live is his gift of resurrection life to me. The question I had had to ask myself was this; was I going to trust in myself or was I going to trust in him?
If you think I am still not much like Jesus you'd be right - but think what sort of person I might now be without him! I am a work in progress you know!!!
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